everything is good.
everything is good.
I’m calm. I feel like things are coming back into place. I think after so much change I constantly feel like that. Like I’m getting myself together. But then I am very much used to lots of change and it’s never a bad thing. Some things are bad and only bad, some things are bad but with lots of positive outcomes. Some things are just good and right. Perspective.
I feel like my head is slowly coming out of a huge patch of fog. I feel okay again and things are clearer and less demanding. I can’t get enough of lemons at the moment. Lemon tea, sucking lemons, lemon soap, lemon scented everything. I’ve heard the pregnancy jokes. I’m not. But lemons. I have nice plans for the forseeable future. Life is very fast at the moment and I am looking forward to multiple summer holidays to slow down.
Baby it’s my heart.
I don’t feel right.
I think I may possibly need a break. Working 8-6 then coming home to secondary work is not ideal. But I’m getting there. I cannot wait for summer and travels and getting away. I’m grateful for motivation though. Just tired.
What is keeping me sane through this week is the thought of a dark cinema and A Place Beyond The Pines at the weekend.
This weekend was near perfection. I had Thursday and Friday off work for appointments and getting organised and catching up with myself. Then Saturday was for food shopping with Joe, copying @redlaye and planting up some rosemary, mint, thyme and lavender, hanging out washing and filling the flat with flowers. Saturday evening we met Luke and Zoe for drinks and stumbled across an amazing (if amazingly expensive) bar, that played proper jazz, shook proper cocktails and had just THE best atmosphere. Just when I was giving up hope in Reading. If you live near, go to Be At One. The went on to Zero Degrees - another delicious bar that brews all it’s own beer. Mango beer is a winner and I’m not even a massive beer drinker. Then we skipped the horrendously drunk clubbing bit by leaving at 12am as my Mum and her partner were visiting on Sunday. Which arrived with a soft, warm breeze and hazy clouds. The warmest it’s been. I spent the morning making an aubergine & parmesan bake and an avocado salad, which we enjoyed with olive bread and homemade rhubard crumble for dessert. They took us out to Henley for a walk along the riverside & an ice cream in the afternoon. Then, once they had left, my adorable boy made me marmite on toast and lit candles and set me up with an old SATC boxset because I was blue. Basically, this weekend was just what I needed. Now for plans.
Tiredest of tired. 3 more days. Then sleep. I feel like I am on a brink. I can’t describe it. I feel like something before it falls. That sounds like it would be a horrible feeling. But it really isn’t. It’s just a feeling.
This weekend has been so good. Long sleeps, good food, and fresh air. I have had tiny thoughts in my head for so long about starting a proper blog and really putting some time into designing something that I’m happy with and will use. I’m just unsure. Tumblr is easy and kind of lazy but I like it. But I also miss writing. And posting my own photos. And keeping a record of life (in a more detailed way than snapshots on Tumblr). Who knows. The next few weeks are going to be busy and full. But I feel ready for them now.
Having not eaten much all day due to massively painful mouth/wise teeth having boyfriend bring home prosciutto and asparagus to wrap it around AND Bonjela for my mouth was pretty much a dream.
I need a quiet night. I need my tea and a small warming tea and clean sheets and some soft music. If I can, this is what I am going to create for myself tonight. Sometimes it’s nice to just be. And this week has been stressful. For all of the reasons. Looking forward to a visit from Rachael and Ella next weekend. And my sleep tonight.
Aaaaaand I’m ready for Summer. Just looking through some of the Australia based blogs in my reading list, all their hammocking and iced tea-ing and sea/salt/sand-ing is making me so jealous. I miss the sun. We had a glimpse yesterday for the first time in days and it really was so lovely, and refreshing. I’ve moved. I’m here now. It’s really very nice. I’m slowly making it ours. With pretty prints and soft throws and wide open windows (places I inhabit are forever cold). White flowers and well-stocked fruit bowls are my thing this week. I am however, a little homesick. And I know it will pass. I just miss my home and my house and my nice, safe, easy, little life. But I am trying to stick to my New Years resolution of being less scared. I think I’m doing okay. I start my new job in the woods next week. I’m scared, but that’s normal. It is nice living with Joe. It is nice to sleep side by side and curl up in the evenings. It is nice to food shop and fake excitement at bank appointments together. It’s also nice that our space is big enough for us both to have room to breathe. I think I’m doing okay.
I’m really scared and I don’t want to be but I am.